


how to say goodbye

by whiitewalker



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Doctor Who reference, Frustrated Itaru, Im sorry I did that, M/M, Sad Itaru, actually the title is a hamilton reference, my try at angst, slight angst, sorry about that too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:47:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26990002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiitewalker/pseuds/whiitewalker
Summary: He was about to turn on his car when the phone call screen came up. There wasn’t a number to be shown, just an “Unidentified caller”. Itaru hesitated, but still took the call with his serene demeanor.“Hello?”“I’m burning up a sun just to say goodbye”The world turned sideways for a second, sweat starting to come down from his temples.
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage
Kudos: 21





	how to say goodbye

Itaru woke up in Chikage’s arms, looked at the alarm, turned it off and just went back to sleep. From the moment he was startled awake from it, he knew it was going to be a bad day. One of those where you didn’t want to wake up, just sleep it off and wake up refreshed and with too many hours of sleep on you. But he didn’t mind, either with Chikage by his side or without him.

Still, there was a problem. He had work that day. 

Chikage had been awake for the last hour, but didn’t want to wake Itaru up, so he just stayed really still until that happened. He barely opened his eyes, immediately saw that Itaru was having none of it and just sat up himself, letting the man slip from his grip into the bedsheets with a grunt.

“We have meetings today, so come on, wake up lazy bunny”

The other man’s voice came slightly broken from not using it for so many hours, and a tiny bit of anger slipped through it at the same time he sat up, too.

“Did you just fucking call me-”

Chikage was already down the bed, grabbing his clothes and going out to the bathroom. Itaru didn’t finish the sentence since he already knew the answer, but still looked at the door with resentment. He knew it wasn't meant to be romantic or funny, it just was a sorry excuse of Chikage trying to mess with him. It was too early, he had slept about three hours, so it kind of worked. He slammed his face into the pillow again, murmuring some kind of curse and finally decided to get out of bed, almost falling on his butt while getting down. That wasn't doing him any favours.

Fifteen minutes until they had to be in the office, Itaru finally got into his car and Chikage was nowhere to be found. He sighed, annoyance and another feeling being let out through it. He didn't want to give a name to this one, because it was something not exactly new and he had a feeling he really didn't want to feel those kinds of things on this kind of day. So he just started the engine and drove to work, as if he was the same as everyday.

That, was dread. And the premonition of something real bad and hurtful happening. He didn't know how or when it had settled on his chest, it just happened, although his guess was when he just had woken up. And he hated every second of it, but the only way of getting it out was by becoming his office worker self. So, he did. The entire morning felt like months, meeting after meeting it just became so hard to actually pay attention that he had to take a break, go to the bathroom and refresh himself while spending his AP in some of his gachas. That's when an email reached him, and he just became as annoyed as he was that very same morning. And by the very same person, at that.

Senpai had to take care of some other business, so since he was directly under him, he was the one chosen to be going to his meetings and taking notes. He was going to pay him back in some way, a few already noted down, but for now… Another sigh, becoming even more exhausted than he already was. He could do it, he had been going through this hell of a job for a while now so that just was more routine. He wanted to just sit and sleep for days, actually feeling his happiness slithering away through his lips. Three entire minutes passed in silence until he pulled himself up and got back to it. He wasn’t gonna fall now, after all this time. He wore his smile on his face, recovering a bit of stamina once he heard his baby’s voice cheer him up. 

The rest of the day went as smoothly as the morning, and he was just prepared to get in his car, drive up home and pass out in front of some game. The change he needed for that day, without a doubt. He was about to turn on his car when the phone call screen came up. There wasn’t a number to be shown, just an “Unidentified caller”. Itaru hesitated, but still took the call with his serene demeanor. 

“Hello?”

“I’m burning up a sun just to say goodbye”

The world turned sideways for a second, sweat starting to come down from his temples. Tears started to well on his eyes, but he refused to let them come down. His throat started to close, blood and adrenaline sky-rocketing. He recognised the voice, he recognized the quote he said.

It was Chikage, of course it was him. It was his voice, shushed and soft, a hint of sadness overridden by professional duty in it. And it was something he knew Itaru would remember, because it came from one of the few TV series they watched together from time to time. Itaru inhaled, and somewhat knew that, on the other side of the phone, he was smiling. He didn’t get to say anything, as the magician hung up on him before he had a chance on it. Now he was trying to catch his breath, a single tear falling down his cheek. He let his phone rest on the car’s cabinet and didn’t even bother with it anymore. Turned on the gas, letting the day finally weigh on him and went from zero to full speed. He was coming for his ass.

Some time ago, Chikage nudged him until they started watching Doctor Who together, from the season of 2005. Itaru couldn’t understand why, but he didn’t say no. He found it would be quality time together, while his boyfriend was watching the series he would be just checking in on his games on the phone. That worked for the first few episodes, until from listening from time to time, he got hooked on it as well. They watched an episode a day, sometimes more, and lately they had been watching them after Itaru finished streaming so they wouldn’t have to rush it. A few weeks ago, they got to the end of the second season, and while both of them were really into it, Itaru was the one feeling tears coming to his eyes. He wouldn’t cry, of course, but he was about to. Then, the Doctor appeared before Rose and said that sentence, after all he had to go through to save her, even if it meant to be away in another dimension, forever apart, yearning for each other when it would be literally impossible to be together again. He had to hide his face away by hiding it on Chikage’s arm, to which his reaction was simply to look at him, a hidden smile on his voice.

“Are you crying?”

“Shut up. You did this to me. Sniff”

“Have to give it to the Doctor, but that does sound like a good quote to say goodbye to your beloved”

Itaru butted his head against his arm, as OOC as it was. 

“If you ever say this to me, I’ll come for you and make you pay. I won’t let you hurt the Spring Troupe that way”

“The Spring Troupe huh… In the hypothetical scenario that I do say this… Trust me, okay?”

“Hmpf, as if”

By that time, Itaru had decided to continue paying attention to the episode. He wasn’t crying anymore, not feeling as much as before about the scene, but he would remember that.

God, he hates having a good memory. It’s supposed to be only used for games and patterns, for work. For this? Last time he cried was out of happiness, and it was going to stay like that. 

Only ten minutes had passed when he finally reached the dorm. He parked, and by the time he got in, he found him in the entrance with Izumi, talking. He had already composed himself by then, although his entrance was a bit rushed. Once he saw him, though, a sea-like calmness spread through him. He hated being so agitated for nothing, but then he noticed the backpack. And just like that, he went outside and waited by the fence, collecting himself. Not a minute had passed that his senpai reunited with him. They didn’t share any of the romantic welcomes other couples usually do, even if sometimes they did to mock them, and Itaru wasn’t gonna be the first to talk. 

“Did I scare you?”

“You will regret this”

“Weren’t you going to make me pay?”

At that point Itaru turned his way and was about to direct all his feelings, bottled-up anger and sadness towards him when Chikage took his hand with both of his.

“It was a lie. Well, not entirely, I’m going away for a few days, on a business trip, but I just wanted to see how you would react to this situation”

Speechless wasn’t the right word, but it was a close one. Relieve, with a strong side of irritation were the predominant feelings on his chest now. He didn’t let go of his hands, though. With the other one, he indicated for him to continue.

“There could come a time where I could drop this sentence and not come back. For a while, of course. But still. I was supposed to leave an hour ago, but I wanted to clarify this, since you are my partner”

Itaru lowered his head, eyes fixated on the floor. So it was like a simulation of what could happen. Would. He really wanted to fall to the floor and just sleep there, exhaustion overcoming every other feeling and sensation on his body.

“If you ever make me feel this way again, I’ll break up with you”

“Itaru”

“I mean it. Do you know what ‘giving a heads up’ is?”

Chikage seemed serious now, one hand falling to his side and the other still holding Itaru’s. He sighed, and hugged his boyfriend the only way he knew in public: by putting his forehead on his chest, raising his free hand to rest on his waist.

“You had a really bad day, huh”

“And whose fault is it? I had to take on your work, too, and I already had a bad feeling about today. I should just have called in sick. I miss my controller”

Chikage put his other hand on his back, patting him. He could hear his tongue clicking, and already knew they would be alright. This time, Itaru’s voice came as always did when talking about one of his only wills to live.

“You owe me 5000 yens. I was too sad so I ended up buying gems and doing 10-cards pulls”

Now he was the one sighing. It could be worse. Itaru took a step back, still holding his hand, and looked him in the eye.

“Have a good trip. Bring me a souvenir”

And just like that, he pressed his hand tighter and let him go, entering the building without looking back. Chikage went to find the car that was expecting him two blocks away, and he had enough time to think how he liked the relationship they had, his feelings for the other man increasing with this kind of events. He smiled softly, no one to notice the fondness of it. 

He was going to miss sleeping by his boyfriend’s side that night, even the climbing on it at four in the morning. 

On the other hand, the moment Itaru got in and saw that Izumi had already left, he let himself fall against the now closed door. He finally found his breath, stolen away by the whirlwind of feelings and emotions he had experienced in less than an hour. It took him a while to calm down, thankfully no one around, but once he did he noticed the time; was almost time for his stream, so he quickly got to his room, changed into his pajamas and played as usual, without any interference from himself. The gaming session ended around 2 in the morning, and he really needed to sleep, at least for that day. The dread that had settled on his body for the whole day had taken a toll on him, so he climbed on his own bed and tried to sleep.

To no one’s surprise, he couldn’t. Itaru spent a full hour trying to sleep, without any notice of it happening any sooner. He knew why, but he just thought it was bullshit. He was so tired it seemed unthinkable to not have fallen into dreamland by then. With a loud sigh of pure annoyance he got down and climbed into Chikage’s bed, where he was used to sleep now, and immediately found the comfort to drift off. It just smelled too much like him, too many memories in such a short time. It was soothing on such a nerve wracking day.


End file.
